Being a mom is nothing I expected it to be. Just so happy I have my mom to walk, talk, and see me through it. Of course Lucas aka Fred is still mesmerized by his nana, he loves her so much and of course she spoils him rotten!!! I love being a mom. Looking into his and knowing he is my son is an incredible feeling. His baby blue eyes are mesmerising and it feels like he is looking into my soul. Other times are rough the early morning feedings are crazy because he decides he wants to stay up for a little while after eating, so it takes a couple of hours to get him back to sleep. I feel overwhelmed when he cries and there's nothing I can do to help him when I don't know what's wrong with him, or what else I can do after feeding, burping, rocking etc. He was sick this week so it made it all the more stressful because he wanted to be held the WHOLE time, which I love holding him but it gets tiring after so long. But he's better now, and just doing a spoiled hold me cry and pay attention to me and nothing else.
I will be returning to work the second week of October, and although I do want to get out of the house to do something productive I don't want to leave my baby and go back to the job. So I am looking for a daycare, which is really depressing and expensive. His medicaid has finally came in so I don't have to worry about that anymore, just need to find a place closer to the house so that I don't have to drive all the way downtown to the dr. I still have headaches everyday, which stinks but my back doesn't hurt as much which is good. I only have 10lbs to lose to get to pre pregnancy weight. Well its feeding time again...ttfn
Friday, September 23, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Arrival
Lucas Allen Holtz was born August 22, 2011 at 10:03 pm. He weighed 7lbs 6oz and was 20in long. He is such an amazing little boy. I love just watching his facial expressions and watching him sleep. He's my life, and my reason for living. I can't imagine my life without him.
Delivery was really rough. I had a lot of problems, but am finally up and about now and able to take care of the lil man. I can't wait to see what life brings our way.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
18 Weeks!
Sorry for the delay I've been uber busy with school and work. I heard the baby's heart beat for the first time when I was 12 wks along, and it was inexpressible. I have heard it each time I go to the doctors and it makes me yearn even more for baby to be born. Now I am awaiting my ultrasound for April 18th the first day I will see my baby!!! The belly is getting bigger by the day it seems and baby loves to be high up in my lungs. LOL. Stretch marks have started, and its not so cute, but still a realization that baby is growing. School is going good, I bit off more than I could chew so I had to drop a class or two to manage that and my job. I've been tired, my feet, head, neck and back have hurt, but I wouldn't trade it for the world...until my lil bundle of joy arrives. I am so ready for a break from work and school, I just can't explain it, but I know I will appreciate it all the more when it comes. Now comes the time...very soon where I have to decide about the plans and intricite details of the baby shower and the baby room. Exciting and nerve racking all at once. Seems like July will be the safest time to do the baby shower...although it will be a busy month, it will give me time to arrange things piece by piece before baby arrives, and even then I will probably change things around. I felt the most awesome feeling when baby moved I realized it. It was like rainbows and sunshine. Warmth and butterflies!! I couldn't believe it, and now baby responds all the time to nana's voice by doing flips!! My little dolphin!! LOL Now I have to wait for the ultrasound!! 19 days and counting. Love you all!!!
Friday, February 4, 2011
10 Weeks
So I've been through the ups and downs of back and neck pain. Went nearly a week with both and it hurt like crazy to do anything. I could at sometimes barely move my neck, but now and am feeling fine, besides the occassional soreness. Sometimes I get tired of people saying "you ain't felt pain yet", and I just want to say..."leave me alone"...I could blame it on the hormones, but that's just me. I want to 'enjoy' my pregnancy without all the I told you so's. I've had enough of that my whole life.
Sleeping is an adventure. I like to sleep on my stomach so it's getting more difficult as I get a lil bit bigger, and sleeping on my side all night doesn't work that much.
I'm still eating...not a whole bunch, but almost every 2 hrs. That baby is starvin me...lol...I can't ever get enough to eat. But I'm taking it in stride.
B is still saying he wants to be a part in my life and the baby, yet I still have my hesitations. I just don't know if I can or even should believe him...is just the way it is.
Went to the car dealership the other day and found a CPO (certified pre owned) vehicle and it was nice and affordable, but that means I will be staying with mom longer than intended, which isn't so bad, I'm just use to living on my own. However, I do need a dependable car for transportation of me and the baby. So I think that outweighs my desire to have a place of my own.
Sleeping is an adventure. I like to sleep on my stomach so it's getting more difficult as I get a lil bit bigger, and sleeping on my side all night doesn't work that much.
I'm still eating...not a whole bunch, but almost every 2 hrs. That baby is starvin me...lol...I can't ever get enough to eat. But I'm taking it in stride.
B is still saying he wants to be a part in my life and the baby, yet I still have my hesitations. I just don't know if I can or even should believe him...is just the way it is.
Went to the car dealership the other day and found a CPO (certified pre owned) vehicle and it was nice and affordable, but that means I will be staying with mom longer than intended, which isn't so bad, I'm just use to living on my own. However, I do need a dependable car for transportation of me and the baby. So I think that outweighs my desire to have a place of my own.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
8 wks 5 days
So far I have been lucky. I've not been very sick, just a little nauseous. My belly is getting big, and I am just unpatiently waiting for February 22 to come so I can hear my baby's heartbeat. I was thinking of a nickname for the baby, since I don't know whether it is a boy or girl yet, haven't came up with anything, but I will keep you posted.
Sleep has been becoming very uncomfortable now...I am always tossing and turning, and never comfortable. I guess this is because I like sleeping on my stomach more so than my side. I've been worn out, can't do as much as I used to it gets too tiring. Wonder what it's going to be like when I get further along.
Waiting till March until I find a new place, but currently I had to move in with my mom. The place I am looking at is real nice, and with my friends we will be able to handle, and our kids will be friends! The only thing is...I am tired of moving. So if anything I will probably stay in the apartment complex after the lease is up, it is truely beautiful.
B asked me if I was ready to be a mom...the answer...no. Nobody's ready really unless they planned the pregnancy or until the baby's born. I know when the time comes, I will be ready. He asked me about adoption. I about cracked. I can't imagine giving my baby away. Hats off to those who can, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know I will struggle, but this is my baby and I am going to take care of it. There have been many people in my family, and people I know that have had babies out of wedlock and or who have been a single parent and they made it through...grandma had 7 kids to take care of and she managed. And although B said he was going to be there...I won't believe it til I see it.
All in all I guess my biggest fear is being a single mom...I didn't want that for my baby. I wanted to have a husband, for my baby to have a dad right there all the time, but things don't go as we expect or plan them to. Maybe one day I will find a guy who will marry me, and my child will have a dad there, and I will have someone to walk with me through this journey.
Just blessed right now to have the family and friends in my life that I do.
Sleep has been becoming very uncomfortable now...I am always tossing and turning, and never comfortable. I guess this is because I like sleeping on my stomach more so than my side. I've been worn out, can't do as much as I used to it gets too tiring. Wonder what it's going to be like when I get further along.
Waiting till March until I find a new place, but currently I had to move in with my mom. The place I am looking at is real nice, and with my friends we will be able to handle, and our kids will be friends! The only thing is...I am tired of moving. So if anything I will probably stay in the apartment complex after the lease is up, it is truely beautiful.
B asked me if I was ready to be a mom...the answer...no. Nobody's ready really unless they planned the pregnancy or until the baby's born. I know when the time comes, I will be ready. He asked me about adoption. I about cracked. I can't imagine giving my baby away. Hats off to those who can, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know I will struggle, but this is my baby and I am going to take care of it. There have been many people in my family, and people I know that have had babies out of wedlock and or who have been a single parent and they made it through...grandma had 7 kids to take care of and she managed. And although B said he was going to be there...I won't believe it til I see it.
All in all I guess my biggest fear is being a single mom...I didn't want that for my baby. I wanted to have a husband, for my baby to have a dad right there all the time, but things don't go as we expect or plan them to. Maybe one day I will find a guy who will marry me, and my child will have a dad there, and I will have someone to walk with me through this journey.
Just blessed right now to have the family and friends in my life that I do.
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